It's Just Been One of Those Weeks...

It's just been one of those weeks. You know the ones; you know when everything seems to be piling up on you? One of those weeks where there is that tiny light at the end of the tunnel, but it seems so far away and past massive piles of steaming shit raining from the sky while knives are jumping out of a river of acid piss at you and a rape machine impedes you getting to your light? Yea, it's been one of those.

Stress is becoming something of a lifestyle for me rather than a temporary condition. My weekly chants of "Tuesday's almost over" have turned into a "Wednesday's almost over" and a "Thursday's not as bad as Tuesday but i still can't wait for it to be over" and an "Oh my god this weekend is going to suck". What makes things worse is that the stress is affecting every part of my life. i get sick when i get too stressed, then i stress out about missing stuff while I'm sick, thus i don't get better, then i get stressed about not getting better, which makes me more sick, all while still doing everything that was stressing me out in the first place, making for a jumbled pile of stress-induced sickness for Joe. The worst part is that most of the things I'm stressed about, i have no control over. Like solo auditions for choir. i can sing my heart out, but ultimately, it's not my choice whether i get it or not, but i still stress about it for 5 days only to find out it goes to other people.

I'm really tired of not being good enough. No matter how hard i try, i just always seem to be good, just not good enough. I hate feeling like shit whenever opportunities pass my way but are just out of my reach. I just want to find something that makes me stand out. Something i can say "hey I'm better than you" to someone and know i am right. Is that too much to ask? Right now, it just feels like no one believes in me. I know that's not the case in most aspects of my life (I'm sure someone believes in me), but there are just those moments when you feel like you are completely alone, you know? I've been having a lot of those lately. I don't really know why, maybe it's because I'm stressed out. Or maybe just cause I'm alone and lonely. Either way, i hope it goes away soon.

Hi. I’m Joe…

Hi. I’m Joe. Just Joe. Just like my name, there’s nothing really special about me. I’m not a great musician, just a good one. I’m an ok photographer, but nothing you would ever put in a book or magazine. I used to do gymnastics, but even at that I was ok, not great. I’m never great. I’m not a superstar, I’m not a genius, I’m not great looking, but not super ugly either (I don’t think). I’m not really anything but supremely “normal”. I guess by saying that I am supremely normal, that would make me some sort of special, but it really doesn’t. I know that there is something inside of everyone that is just that something that makes them special and unique, but either I lost that something a long time ago or I just haven’t found it yet. I mean really, I can’t even write my random thoughts in a great way; it’s all just…normal.